Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
