im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
