soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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