did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
