Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
please come you make the beer taste better
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
