you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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