Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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