I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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