i think i have herpe
just one?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
