So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
