you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
