Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
