i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
