I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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