dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
