Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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