Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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