Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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