I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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