is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
