Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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