My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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