Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
