just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
