I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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