i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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