i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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