Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
