Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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