Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
