just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
