you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
