Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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