YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
