Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
