I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
