my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
