I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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