we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
