Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
