She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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