John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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