He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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