I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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