What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Small penises have feelings too.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
