She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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