I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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