ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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