omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
