Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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