Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
