i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
