I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize