there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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