i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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