he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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