Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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