So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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