no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
