He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
